Here I Am

The world works and is working in so many ways all of the time.  And what I mean by that is that maybe we perceive that we have slow points or lulls in life.  Like "the holiday season" is busy and then after new year we are set to wait out the cold (if we are in the cold).   Or maybe we have a trip or some big thing we know is on the horizon.  It's on the calendar.  We see it coming in months and weeks and days and hours and then it comes.  And then it goes.  And we are on to the next thing.  For me I just returned from a sesshin in Mexico with my teacher and my sangha made up of Dewdrops, Black Scorpions, and Hazy Moons.  I know that before my trip it was this thing that was coming up. Now it is over.  But what I have learned from practice is that these markers that we follow on the calendar aren't exactly true.  Yes days come and go.  Trips arrive and trips end.  But were here now whatever that now is and it is so small and so quick that it is easy to disregard it and let it pass by.  My practice helps me to be here. Now.  And while I have my calendar of events that are coming up or have passed me by, they're like dreams and fantasies that have either happened or are yet to come. Their function feels different. Yesterday was a snow day.  Today I sit in a hospital waiting on tests with my father. These things right now are what I have to attend to.  My practice. Here. Now.

Ben